We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
