Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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