i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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