I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize