i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
