Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
