If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
