I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
