there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
