This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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