maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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