just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
