I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
