hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
