I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
