it hurts more in the daytime
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
