how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
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he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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