matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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