Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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