I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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