Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
