I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I spit up blood this morning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.