you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
