I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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