I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
