At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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