I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
