the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
