Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
