Don't you send me to vm
are you still at the devil's house?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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