Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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