Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
