I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
