Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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