At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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