Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Congratulations! We have a period
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
