so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
