what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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