i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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