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my shit smells like andre
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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