He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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