i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
