so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
