i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
