I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
