So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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