is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
