You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
