I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
