Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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