Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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