hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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