Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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