using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
