she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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