I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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