dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
