Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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