i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
