Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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