ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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